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How to get over yourself?

Writer's picture: Dylan BellesDylan Belles




I chose this headline because it’s blunt and, in a way, we all need to get over ourselves in the nicest way possible.


I will speak from my experiences and the circulations of my mind. You may find that you relate, or maybe you won’t! Either way, I’m going to share my thoughts.


I’ve thrown some hissy fits.


Since I was a little kid, I’ve had an attitude. I did dumb things like tossing my baseball bat and kicking a fence, and once, I got kicked out of the elementary school band (we played those awful recorders) for goofing off with my friends. Instead of accepting it, I snuck onto the bus to the recital!


I’ve had a history of being a sore loser, and it took some reinventing to be okay with it.

When I say “being a sore loser,” I don’t mean I was disrespectful to others or displayed bad sportsmanship in a targeted way. I mean I was just really hard on myself. It was one thing to fail, it's another to feel like you failed yourself.


Nowadays, I don’t have the same reactions I did as a kid. I no longer play ball sports, and my wife would hate it if I still played "Ode to Joy" on the recorder. So, my options have minimized, but overall, I don’t have the same freak-outs.


I won’t lie to you. I still experience the initial anger, disappointment, and shame when I have a bad day or a bad race. But I’ve gotten better at bottling it and casting it into the ocean… or the recycling bin.


Just this week, I pulled out of the Houston Marathon.


To take one big step back: I’ve been training to run a marathon since March of last year. Initially, I had Chicago on the calendar, but I realized it was too close to my wedding, so I penciled in Twin Cities. Then I had a death in the family. Then I got a bib for Valencia, but more family stuff (and an illness) popped up. Finally, Houston—where I inevitably got brutally sick the week before the race.


So, here I am. The Houston Marathon is in a couple of days. It’s likely over by the time you’re reading this. I’m still recovering from this illness, and I’m happy to say that I’ve moved on.


But, boy, I was pissed. Excuse the language, but worse words were flying through my mind at the time.


I couldn’t believe I got sick—at this time! Right before my race. I was in amazing shape. I did some of the best workouts of my life. I didn’t have a single injury flare-up this year. Not one. The week before I got sick, it snowed, so we hardly left the house. And yet, still, I got sick.


I spent a few days trying to find a race to capitalize on my fitness. Those options looked fine, but deep down, I knew I wouldn’t get what I truly wanted out of them. It was never going to be the same setup or quality of racing that Houston provided. I realized this was just me trying to fill a gap or a void. This wasn’t a clear-headed thought.


After a day or two of mulling it over, I came to my senses and realized I couldn’t replace this one. I’d trained too hard and gone way too deep in this prep cycle. It was this weekend or never.


And do you know what? I’m okay with this.


There was a previous iteration of myself that would've been fueled with the wrong kind of energy and likely gone out and made more mistakes...and likely not learning from there either. I would've made some stupid excuse and had a pity party for myself, then tried to "make up" for it.


I can tell you that every time I've gone down these roads - I've known they were dumb, I'm not oblivious to it. Because I couldn't accept my fate, I further dug myself into a hole. And that cycle repeats if you do not break it!


So, again, I recite the headline: How do you get over yourself?


  1. Let the emotions come. You may want to address or solve the problems but don’t. Let the mental hammering walk through you and stay neutral through it.

  2. Let it stew. Give it a day or two. Decisions made in the moment come back to bite you. If you sit on it for a couple of days, you’ll make a better decision.

  3. Talk to others and get opinions. Getting an outside perspective isn’t always welcome at the moment, but it’s important. Friends, family, or coaches can help you see the pros and cons of your thoughts.

  4. Accept your situation. Maybe we could've made this number 1 on the list, but sometimes it takes some deep thinking to fully accept what's going on. Making peace with whatever you're going through is a key step.

  5. Come to a rational plan. Now, you make the decision.


And also:


  1. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What would you tell someone in the same scenario?

  2. Find positives. You might hate doing this, but you need to break the negative loop and look at the things that went well.

  3. Go do something else! Spend time away from running. Find another hobby you can lose yourself in. Your brain needs something else to think about so it can achieve step 5.


Conclusion

Getting over yourself isn’t easy, but it’s doable. Maybe you have a different way of processing it than me, and that's fine, but maybe you also gained something by reading this as well.


If there's no one in your life to truly hold you accountable and call you out when you're acting out (we all need these people) then you will have to work extra hard to be able to look at yourself clearly in the mirror so that you can make logical decisions and "get over yourself" when you're being extra ;)

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